What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
