i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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