OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
