I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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