"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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