Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
