But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
