thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
