This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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