My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
