we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
