I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
