Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
