I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
