yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
