I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
