Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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