If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
