i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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