There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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