I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
