i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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