tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
