cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
