I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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