Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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