that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
