I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
