I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
