he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
