my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
