This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
