Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
