i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
