we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
