I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
barbara walters just said penis...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
