Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
