she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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