So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
