Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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