I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
