your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
