Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
