Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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