If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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