I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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