I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
