So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
