dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
