dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
