Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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