Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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