Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
