Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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