this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
