You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
